What Happens When You DIE
by xavilla
Summary: Derek Morgan's life was ordinary until he discovered another side of life, giving someone a chance to change him forever. This is a story of Morgan finding out what happens after someone dies.
1. Chapter 1

**What happens When you Die? **

-Prologue-

A Hopeless world it was

everywhere nothing but deep silence

All left with no cause

O, things I would do to see you once

walking the same streets now

An empty world staring at me

to my lonely life, I vow

have my soul and body now be free

Imagine wandering around, person to person, place to place, hoping for a spark in life, something, someone to lit you up. Imagine searching for heaven on earth. Imagine wishing for something so great that your mind can't handle it. Imagine looking for a life which you dream about every night, a life that you dream to dream about. Then imagine, it all coming true. One day that gives you your imagination in reality pack and you bear witness heaven.

Me, you, everyone, does everything to be happy. This sense overtakes every action we do, the defining theme of our life stories, the sole goal we all run after and eventually meet with death. I too wandered around to be happy, searching for causes, events and people providing me dose of one thing, happiness.

This is my story, Derek Morgan's story of how I learned what life was and what death could be. I take you to this journey keeping in mind I did all of this for one sole purpose, happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1:**

It all started out when we were called in for the annual evaluation and training in Chicago. The month long testing and learning almost sounded like living in residence while away for collage. Different training teams were all staying at this hotel, five star quality. BAU was assigned a private lounge on tenth floor. I placed my bags down on the bed while looking out the window for the view that I will have for a month now. I had to share my room with Rossi, everyone was doubled up. The team gathered up and we all were given our schedules, very busy times were coming ahead of us.

I gathered some time to freshen up a little before going to bed. The hot stream bath evaporated my stress away as I fogged the whole bathroom. I came out to find Rossi already fast asleep, snoring a little. I threw my wet towel on the chair as my phone beeped. I glanced behind to see a text. I walked over to read it. Now that it is all over, I think to myself, this text was beginning of everything.

That text, which were few mere letters, had potential to devastate so many lives, to teach me things I rather had not known. It all started with the words: Karma is a bitch!

I remember how awkward I felt that day receiving that weird message. The sender was an unknown. I took Garcia as behind this silliness. I recall giving a smile off to that odd message and joined the rest of the team for the dinner.

"Rossi's off so early?" I asked the rest.

"He ate already" Garcia told the rest while passing me a serving plate. I must confess I loved seeing our whole gang share a dinner together and this was to continue for a month. I missed having such large dinners like these.

"Guess what, I have a forensic analysis learning session so early in the mornings" JJ exclaimed.

"Same here" I added while filling my plate with saucy pasta.

"They have different sessions running throughout the month" JJ went on.

The conversations went on so as our days there, I was starting to enjoy all the vacation like feelings, I mean we were not to look at any case for a whole month. Due to having early sessions, I got back before others did and had a lot of time to chill.

Then, another afternoon while watching baseball game another text with the same number arrived. This time more complicated, more weird.

-You did great ruining me, but guess what I have so much more in store for you-

This time it left me thinking, the hidden threat sipped a little in my heart but I had no clue what it meant. I had no enemies and as far as I could remember I had done no ruin to anyone. Lost in those thoughts, I didn't realize that JJ was calling me over in the little kitchen we had on our floor. I quickly left away all thoughts aside. I wish I hadn't. I wish I reacted. I wish I had done something, something, at least something.

Moving on.

Golden period, yeah, truly golden is what I call that time. The time I bet no one can experience again, I miss it immensely now but recalling those moments are just as pleasant as living them. It was the time I came to notice of something so great in life, something I always wished to have, a remarkable friend, a trusted partner, a secret touch away from reality.

Our Boy genius, my pretty boy, and this world's Spencer Reid was much more than a co-worker to me. He quickly became something more than a friend. With him time flew, he was just that different. We connected right from the start, me hovering around like a big brother. That lanky slim build although seemed vulnerable to the world but I can proudly say he was the bravest my eyes have witnessed yet.

It wasn't love between us, because that was what I had for my family and other friends. It was something the world has no word for. It wasn't love, I swear it wasn't only that. It was much grander, much bigger, not as ordinary to be described by just mere letters. It was heaven, having paradise on earth.

I told him how I felt. He smiled off the feelings at first not understanding the depth so rapidly. Within days, I left him dumbfounded, speechless, at loss of words. Yes, that talkative little master was standing with tears in his eyes.

"I don't believe it Morgan" was all he said.

With time, I started to lose interest in everything, everyone, and every place seemed boring without him. I still hanged out with other girls, once in a while on dates but it never seemed right. They never made me happy. I thought maybe I was more into guys but that even ended worse. I finally figured out, it wasn't about being a girl or boy, it was about being Spencer Reid. I know it sounds so vague, right, I liked his soul, his mind, his personality not his X or Y chromosome. I never wanted anything in return. I was lost under a spell.

So, I decided to tell Reid about the wired text. He did his language analysis thing and together we decided that it could be someone belonging to a previously encountered unsub family.

"I don't feel a direct connection to any unsub" I explained to him.

"Maybe" He thought "maybe, someone from your family, who has excess to your private cell number?" Reid postulated.

"Aunt, Mom, sisters...nothin's coming to mind" I sat back on the bed frustrated.

"Is it okay to wait for another text, maybe we can profile the person better then?" Reid suggested. I smiled back and rested my eyes on him. The stares continued for a while.

"WHAT?" he annoyingly asked finally.

"Why? Can't I see you?" I asked shyly.

"You can, but why would you want to do that?" He asked. I guessed he just loves making simple things complicated.

"Because I like what I see" I replied.

It was often like this, encounters similar to this that annoyed him a lot. He was a man of science searching for straight forward explanations. I understood how it bothered him, my behaviour was at question. I was just lost myself. He asked once what we had between us.

"What do you think?" I asked his opinion.

"We like each other in a wired way, ahhhh-I don't know!" he threw his book aside and sat helplessly. I smiled.

"What type of relationship is that even when both of us describe ourselves as normal straight humans?" Reid asked. It clicked right at that moment.

"Happiness- The relationship of happiness" I said and he looked away smiling.

"You make me happy, I make you happy, simple as that" I went on.

"So yeah, all messed up relation" Reid goofed off but I knew how much he agreed with me. All his life, like mine, sadness engulfed him. All he wanted was to be that special someone for someone. I gave him the appreciation that he thieved on.

He once said "All this knowledge in the world can't provide me with what you give me, happiness, true happiness".

As weird as it sounds, as funny as it seems, as odd it may feels, we were each other's emotion masters. We loved to be together in our own ways. When it was just two of us, we would climb out to our little mystery world of happiness where glimpses of heaven startled us, where eye to eye we read each other, where without touching we felt each other, where without a real relation we lived each other.

I told no one how much he meant for me. Breathes came easy watching him by my side. I could never eat without having him around, never sleep, never rest, never dream. I slaved myself. I made one happy slave. But to others, I was just little over-protective brother of his.

Then, this text from a new number with much more concerning message arrived.

"I know the way to your heaven, AND, I am going to seize it away"

I threw my phone away. No one knew where my heaven lied, no one had the idea how to get there, there was no way. I remember that night, I sat in the balcony enjoying the warm winds of the city. I knew the messages were getting more personal, I felt scared, for the first time. Then again no one knew what my heaven was. Maybe they meant something else, I'd like to think that.

A deep sign and a creased forehead, I sat there thinking it was time for action. It wasn't long before my heaven joined me.

"You seem distressed?" Reid asked.

"I'm feeling worried" I confessed.

"Is there another text?" He questioned as I passed him my phone. With a glimpse, he read the sentence out loud. Immediately, he understood the underlying meaning. I rose to my feet inhaling loudly.

"It's getting serious now" I exclaimed.

"I can talk to Hotch bout it" Reid mentioned, I shook my head.

"No, NO..I don't think he needs to be involved yet" I walked over to where he was sitting. I swear his eyes could murder any heavy hearted like me. Silence fell. I stared. He stared. I smiled.

"Nothing to worry right, it's probably some psycho getting off at freighting some FBI agent right" I said. Reid took my hands in his.

"No, I think we should get Garcia to trace the sender's number and location" He mentioned.

"You think so"

"I feel something bad is going to happen"

"Why?"

"It's just a feeling". I smiled at his concern and embraced him. Suddenly, it was happiness surrounding us all around, we were getting lost in the hug, forgetting the world, like nothing mattered, nothing existed.

The next morning, we got the number traced, location located. Both of us drove to the fields of lavishing green grass to remote side of the city. The text came from a very small hut-like house located in middle of a wide field. With precautions, we entered the place which at first seemed abandoned for years, like no one lived here.

Reid scraped off dust over the table. I lowered my gun to examine few piles of paper over the old rusty sofas. At first, I thought I was imagining but it really was that. I stepped back, bile building in my throat, chest contracting tightly. No, it made all sense. Those paper spoke about the hell I always lived in before I lived in this heaven. My feet felt numb. And, then my phone beeped.

"You found me finally Derek, I am coming for you".

I yelled No, mentally, before I looked up to see my paradise dazzling nearby. All pressure subsided. I felt at peace again. He smiled back as he walked towards me.

I mentally screamed to myself, Carl Buford.

-Please review and tell me how you like this so far. I have big things in store for the story and your insight will mean a lot. Thank you for reading :


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

It was my childhood ruiner, Carl Buford again. I was sure of it now. I chose not to let Reid know of it yet. Carl was still in the jail, how could he get his hands here now. I was confused but not afraid. I got home, went to sleep, suffered with nightmares from past as Carl Buford took over my life again. One after another, the moment I chose to go back to sleep, Carl resurfaced again. The same helplessness from my childhood hours fell over me but I was not the same Derek anymore. I was bigger, better and didn't needed him anymore. I had to do it. I got in the middle of the night. Took my phone and walked into the bathroom.

I reread the texts again. Then again. He knew I found him. With trembling hands, I replied to his text.

"I am not scared of you anymore".

I washed my face, stared in the mirror. This shouldn't be happening again. The phone beeped. Message not sent. A night of hell went on...

In the morning, I opened my eyes, craving, that feeling of knowing my heaven was here. I rushed to Reid and Hotch's room. I knew Hotch was in the shower. I did that every morning, starting my day by looking at my innocent little partner lost in sleep. I would sit on the floor beside his bed and literally worship the peace that radiated. It was like my breakfast, my drug to start my day off. I only would move when the shower goes off. But today, I was sad. Last night was bad and I could surely use a little hand from my heaven to restore some sense in me.

The shower turned off but I wasn't done yet. I wanted more. I wanted to stay for a little while more. The days were long, with mostly other people hovering over him, watching shows with Garcia, sharing room with Hotch, learning to cook with Rossi, attending session with Emily and what was left for me...just watching him sleep. I felt little jealous. I knew Hotch would enter the room any moment but I wanted to stay, tell him I belonged here but it would cost so much, to both of us. So, before he could walked on me, I walked out in despair.

I was mad. Maybe it was the discovery of text messages or my over possessiveness, whatever it was, I felt angry. I quickly gulped down my morning toast and coffee. I had to leave shortly for my class. Oh. I felt I was back in school again, seriously. I quickly got ready and just before heading out, Reid walked out of the room in his night suit running for the breakfast. Anger stirred in me. With the right opportunity, I rushed over to grab his wrist and pull him the kitchen. I trapped him between the fridge and me startling him.

"Chill out Morgan" He whispered.

"NO!" I raised my voice and quickly realized the cost and lowered it "so what are your plans for today?"

"Is this the way to ask?" He inquired.

"Answer me first?" I asked.

"You know my day better than me, I have training in a while and I come back in the evening, then I watch the TV series with Garcia, then do all the assigned work by Chief, finish the evaluation, read my book, do some dishes with JJ.." He went on.

"And what about me?" I asked in the middle.

"You have your own duties" He innocently dodged my bullet.

"You have no time for me, right?" I said and stepped back. "I get it" my voice cracked. This tough guy melted this easy in front of his happiness.

"It's not like that, I have all my time for you" He quickly replied " Morgan, what more can I do?".

"Nothing, I guess. I am at fault. Sorry man, sorry" I walked out realizing it was Carl playing in my mind and not him.

"Morgan, is there something I can do for you?" He followed.

"NO, the problem is simple. I won't never have enough of you, no matter what you do or not do" I said and got to start off the day. It was simply the hardest thing to leave him behind. I had no control or else God knows how much I would bother him.

Sometimes, it appeared very one sided relation to me. Like, all my happiness was due to him but he could find his way in other things too. He liked keeping his feelings private, I could never know how much I mean to him, or this relation of happiness.

I went for the class. Trying to listen but all my thoughts derailed me. And, as usual I got back earlier and actually snoozed off on the couches. It wasn't enough that my night was all hell that even now dreams turned nightmares where Carl Buford broke me. A serious past memory drove me out back to reality. I found Reid sitting beside me watching me. He smiled the moment I woke up.

"You didn't sleep right last night?" he asked lightly. I shook my head.

"I can't do it without you" I said.

"Do I have to sing you lullabies now?" He laughed. I sign. " I would love to" He went on.

"Don't make me more cripple than I am already" I answered.

"Stop blaming me for everything" He smiled lightly.

"Why not, it's only plausible since you are my everything" I said "You're like cyanide, slowly poisoning me, sweetly killing me, disabling me from inside so I become so depend on you that even living will become a credit to me, very evil"

"After all, you don't need a gun to kill someone" He muttered shyly.

"It hurts" I said, my voice becoming raspy this time.

"What's hurting this tough man here?" he inquired playfully.

"You" I signed " You hurt so much, so much" I let out and the sweet ecstasy drove me to peace again.

Sleep was something not coming easy anymore. The texts were gone but I would stay awake the entire night shifting restlessly around the bed as Rossi snored loudly. It was becoming very annoying by now. During the days, I would become cranky and once even snapped at Rossi for no reason. I felt bad after but what could be done. Another night, and Rossi's snores boiled my blood inside out. I had to talk to Hotch now.

"It's too much, I need to sleep now!" I told Hotch as we drove for our firing evaluation.

"I understand, I can even hear them through the walls" he added.

"And I had to double up with him" I said angrily and he laughed a little.

"Of course you will laugh, cause you got the dead sleeper with you" I said.

"It scares me how still Reid sleeps, totally like a dead body" Hotch replied.

"Hotch, comm'on, I need Rossi out for a while, is that possible to switch him with Reid" I requested. He gave it a little thought.

"You want my sleep to suffer" Hotch smiled but still keeping a bossy face.

"Look at me" I told me.

"How about you and Reid switch, his dead ear wouldn't be bothered by Rossi" Hotch suggested and I signed. It's like he was doing everything to make sure I and Reid never shared a room. I remained quiet. At least, Hotch wouldn't snore.

That night I gathered all my stuff to move to another room. I jumped on the bed excitedly.

"Careful there" Hotch said.

"Rossi's snore power can even make the dead alive" I laughed out and he smiled as well and I finally had a snore-free night after a while.

One problem down, but even the sleeping did no good. I dreamed of Carl escaping the jail and planning revenge on me. He walked over to me with his scary grin and I could hear his ugly voice echoing all around me "I know the way to your Heaven". I screamed at him to stop saying it but it played over and over again "I know the way to your Heaven".

"NOOOOOOOO!" I cried out loud.

"Morgan, wake up, it's okay, just a dream" Hotch was shaking me out of terror. I gasped loudly and realized I was crying with tears running down my eyes. Hotch was terrified.

"Calm down now" he almost ordered. I sat back up breathing out. Hotch got up to get me a glass of water. I was still panicking.

"I haven't seen you like this before" He noticed. I put the glass aside.

"Just a scary dream" I replied.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked. He could act like a boss even at this hour. I remained quiet but then my phone beeped. The sheer terror in my eyes told the profiler beside me all that I was hiding. It was a text from a new number now.

"Time is running out Derek, I am coming for your heaven".

I took the phone and rushed to the bathroom leaving Hotch all lost. I had to reply to this son of a bitch.

"Stop threatening me!" I texted.

"Very well Derek, you will get this traced as well but don't bother cause you won't find me" Another text came.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" I texted back.

"Your Happiness".

Fear crawled all the way up to my spine. There is no way in the world he would know my secret. How can he, we was jailed.

"WHO ARE YOU!" I texted back and an error arrived. I threw my phone away, this time it smashed in the sink. I sat on the floor amazed. There was no way. He was lying.

"Morgan, is everything okay" Hotch knocked. I inhaled.

"Yeah, just needed to use the restroom" I replied holding the fear back out.

Then again, sleep ran away from me. I laid back in despair. Something needed to be done with the threats and I had to do it alone. Thoughts, plans and ideas kept me awake until the sun made its way out. I got the sudden urge to be with Reid now but unlike Hotch, Rossi was still in bed. I made myself coffee to relax but it didn't help until he came into my sight.

"Sleep well after a long time?" He asked as he placed his artistic hand over my right cheek. I nodded slightly and the profiler inside him howled. My eyes told the stories. I couldn't hide from him, he was my happiness.

"What's bothering you?" he inquired tensely. I put my coffee cup down on the counter.

"I-I just want to ran away from here" I let out, almost whispering.

"What? Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, I want more" I replied desperately looking at my medicine standing in front of me. He understood my request.

"Morgan, you little love sick bird! Get a hold on yourself" he laughed a little.

"Yeah, I feel sick without you, can't you just stay with me all the time" I demanded. He smiled again brightening up my day.

"Obsessive, possessive, depressive...Morgan don't fall for me that hard" He moved a little forward.

"I can't help it, it feels great to have you here, I feel crazy but happy" I said. Suddenly, his eyes teared up.

"Don't do it!- Don't make me used to of this, I don't deserve such goodness in life" Reid answered sadly.

"Why not silly? You have a right to be just as happy as anyone else. Isn't life all about brining happiness to each other, why are you running away" I held him by his arms "let go of all your fears, cause I got your back". He looked up murdering me, watery eyes sparkling now.

"I'm afraid" He confessed.

"Even with a Derek Morgan in your life?" I joked. He just kept looking at me. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"You're-You're just too damn good, you MEANY, LIFE RUINER!" Reid loudly exclaimed and walked out of the room. I smiled swaying with happiness all around. Now that I had my real breakfast done, I felt all ready to get the day started.

Note: What are you liking and disliking about my story so far? Thanks for reviewing and reading.


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